We're all idiots. Every last one of us. I have explored mindsets, cultures, religions, philosophies, value systems, ethics, levels of understanding, kept asking "why", all for the purpose of finding the pure truth beneath all the BS. And what I have found is shocking, and disheartening... We're all idiots, refusing to see the truth that we logically know to be true, and also willfully believing certain things matter when there is no possible way they truly do. These two things combine to make the average person.


 I sense an unknown here, a variable that has not been factored in. And worst of all, I also sense that this factor is "unknowable" in the sense that we perceive "knowing". I now judge those who partake in easily refuted delusions much more kindly. For after all, every belief we have is a delusion, simply for the fact that it cannot be unequivocally proven. Those of us, like myself, who feel we partake in a righteous path of questioning and understanding, arrive at a location no better, and sometimes worse, than those who do not even attempt it.  


I hope that there is a point to life.  And I feel that perhaps there is.  But again, it is "unknowable" to our faulty and limited human perception.  But I also feel this....that EVERYTHING is a part of the whole plan, assuming there IS a point.  If there isn't...then WTF???  But basically it comes down to this; that apparently nothing matters, because even if it did, you would not be able to fathom HOW it mattered, the sheer and utter complexity and variables not even in our solar system, much less on Earth.  


I feel so much anxiety from this, because i feel that it DOES matter, even it appears not to, but deep down I also feel that however it all matters, I'll never know.  So I'm left feeling like what I say, think, and do, matter, but am left without a compass or guide to point me in the right direction.  I fear my head may just explode.