Ever wonder why you do the things you do? Probably about half who read this will say yes, they do wonder what the motivations are behind their actions. The second half will say no, they don't wonder such things because, in their mind, the answer is obvious. But is it? You are reading these words on the screen right now. Why? The second half may say "Because I want to", or any number of other causal factors. But ask yourself this; WHY do you want to? And whatever answer you arrive at, ask yourself WHY once again. Keep doing this long enough, and eventually you'll reach a point where you do not have an answer readily available, but also you finally become AWARE that you DON'T KNOW.
Not knowing is the key that opens the door to enlightenment. We are taught certain things growing up. These things are taught to us by people we trust. Our parents. Our teachers. Our movies. Our TV. And so, by the time we reach our twenties, most of us think we have what matters all figured out. Our trusted sources have laid the blueprint down for a happy life, it's just up to us to follow it. If failure happens along the way, it's our fault, of course! We just didn't try "hard enough" or left the path for some reason. It never occurs to most, that the reason they fail, is because they are on the WRONG PATH. What? A wrong path? How can that be? We are clearly taught there is ONE path, and it's the path for EVERYONE. The path of doing good in school, making friends, following the advice of your elders, going to college, getting married, finding a career in a field that makes a ton of money, buying a nice house, having kids, getting old, and finally death. The tedium of this life is to be broken up by television, video games, sex, sports, and the drama of real life (ie politics, religion, family).
What I have discovered, is that there are many paths, perhaps infinite paths, and you do not have to follow the one that is put before you. In fact, rarely is that path the one for you. Usually, the path put before you is there because of someone else. They want you on that path, for reasons that could be good or not. So, it is important, once you are cognitively able, to question the path before you. If you are already on that path, question it anyway. I know starting over may seem impossible, a daunting task. But question it you must, for another, more fulfilling path may be out there, just waiting for you to claim it. So what is it that keeps us from claiming the path meant for us? There are many things, but this blog entry is going to focus on one; Sensation Seeking.
While I do not consider myself a Buddhist (not even Buddha was), I have to give credit where credit is due. The idea of "sensation seeking" and that it hinders personal growth and insight came from studying Buddhism. I looked at my life, both past and present. I analyzed the memories to see if the concept of sensation seeking was bull, or if there was some truth to it. I was shocked at what I found. Almost all of the things we do that hinder spiritual/mental growth comes seeking sensation. So what is it, exactly?
Sensation seeking is when we do something, or avoid something, implicitly for the reason of attaining a certain sensation, or avoiding one. The goal of all sensation seeking is pleasure. To "feel good" seems to be equated with "happiness". In America, "the pursuit of happiness" has been etched into our brains since birth. But what if the happiness we are taught to seek after, isn't true happiness? While we aren't taught it verbally, we DO learn that feeling good = happiness. Feeling good begins to seem like being hooked on drugs. We like how "feeling good" feels. Obviously. So we seek it, more and more. We are judged by HOW we seek to feel good. If the majority of people do a certain thing to feel good, they are cheered as normal. If someone does a thing to feel good that most people do NOT do, he/she is ostracized and judged by the masses. Our entire culture is built around the pursuit of happiness, which more and more seems to be the pursuit of feeling good.
We see a car. If looking at that car makes us "feel good" we buy it, if we can afford it. If we can't, we feel bad inside that we haven't lived a life that enables us to buy that car. But almost at the same time, we justify not needing that car, so the bad feeling is drowned out by the propaganda of our mind and it's desire to not be conscious of bad things. Denial. The same goes with clothes, food, homes, etc.... Almost any and everything you buy, regardless of the justifications you used to attain them, or the reasoning you use when you have to settle for things that make you feel "less good", are ultimately how they make you FEEL. So you begin to live a life of sensation seeking, like a drug addict looking for his next fix. Taste, Touch, Sight, Hearing, Smell and Mind are all your senses, and by the time you are an adult, these senses are using you, instead of you using them. For those that think the mind is not another sense, ask yourself this; when a person is looking toward the future or past, and relishes in the prospect of power and control, which sense gives him that information that makes him feel so good? It is mind, of course. The mind takes the input of the first 5 senses, and combines them all in a way that gives a greater understanding of pleasure than one sense alone could ever give. It also does the same for displeasure, usually referred to as Pain. So our lives are lived in constant pursuit of pleasure and in constant fear of pain. These primal urges work like background processes in a computer, affecting all you do without your conscious mind ever noticing. However, under careful scrutiny, these hidden processes can be revealed. And being conscious of these things, with the understanding that they are bad for you and should be altered, will begin to alter all by themselves.... So many people do not try to change, because they think it would be too hard. And if you "try" to change, it IS hard. So don't try. Just be aware. Make an effort to be aware. That is all. "Know Thy Self"
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Bearing Fruit
Well it's September 8th, which means we've been living the homeless life for 2 months now. Overall, the experience has been informative, fun, and transforming. And it still continues. I do not see ending this experiment anytime soon.
This has been one hell of summer. A cross country road trip, a vegas wedding, giving away most of our possessions, moving from a comfy apartment to living in a car (by choice), seeing my Dad after 8 years, and going Raw and Organic in addition to being Vegan. Also, it is when I finally researched and accepted being a high-functioning Autistic person, also known as an Aspie, short for Asperger's Syndrome. We see it as who we are, not something we "have". Whew! This is what appears to be many life altering changes in a short time. The truth, however, is that these changes were a long time coming. My tree may take a while to bear fruit, but when it does, WOW!
I can see the HBC (homeless by choice) life came to me after years and years of planning on that eventuality and fantasizing about it as a child. How many children do you know that think being homeless would be fun and adventurous? I did, and still do :) You spend a third of your life asleep. No choice in that. So what do you do with the other 16 hours a day, the other 2/3 of your life? Most will spend a third (or more) working. And not meaningful, enlightening, purposeful work either. Mindless physical labor and robotic repetitive actions is where the vast majority find themselves. Some of who's left find a better version of the slave labor game. They attain jobs that "seem" to matter, "seem" to be important, but any true unbiased reflection will show the hollowness of these endeavors. Jobs like engineers, management, investing, business owners and the like, all have enough "street cred" in this earthly prison system, that although they remain trapped and shackled like all the other prisoners, they hold a "trustee" status, where prisoners are made to look after the other prisoners and are given "perks".
So, that leaves 1/3 of your life left. From what I have observed, that third is spent either trying to recover from your daily slave labor, or "taking care of" your little future prisoners, your children. Video games, television, music, sports, chemicals, and sex are all ways we attempt to detach ourselves from the inner pain of being a slave. Similar things are used in real prison. I spent 3 years there, so I can see the similarities plain as day. As for children, they become a huge part of the parents life, and rightly so. However, most parents make a HUGE mistake; they feel the way they were raised is the "right" way. Even in this modern world, where so many different ways of doing things are considered "right", people still refuse to question their beliefs and assumptions, and then pass that faulty thinking on to their children! How else could atrocities of the past, like Slavery, denying women the right to own property or vote, etc, be carried on for hundreds or thousands of years? And are we truly so arrogant that we think all the "horrible" things of the past have been dealt with? What of war? What of treating our animal brothers and sisters like products instead of living beings? What of greed corrupting the minds of those in power to the point to where we are being fed poison in our food because it takes 20 years to kill instead of 2? What of using imaginary lines on a map to distinguish who is valid from who is invalid? What of us choosing to hurt others so that we may profit? The atrocities are not over. Many know this, but many do not. Many think we are at the pinnacle of human evolution and knowledge, and we are more enlightened now than ever. I disagree. We have just gotten much better at denial and the "appearance" of civility.
We, as humans, know something is wrong. It's in all our forms of expression. In music, in art, in literature, in religion. We know something is off, and that "knowing" can slowly drive us insane. "Like a splinter in your mind" as Morpheus says. So I choose to do something about it. I choose to "unplug". But I feel it's not really a choice at all. Like Neo, I can never go back. I would not want to, knowing what I know now. I have devoted the 2/3 of my life I spend awake, to being "awake". To see the world mindfully, to question, and as strength permits, to do the right thing. My shackles are off. Are yours?
This has been one hell of summer. A cross country road trip, a vegas wedding, giving away most of our possessions, moving from a comfy apartment to living in a car (by choice), seeing my Dad after 8 years, and going Raw and Organic in addition to being Vegan. Also, it is when I finally researched and accepted being a high-functioning Autistic person, also known as an Aspie, short for Asperger's Syndrome. We see it as who we are, not something we "have". Whew! This is what appears to be many life altering changes in a short time. The truth, however, is that these changes were a long time coming. My tree may take a while to bear fruit, but when it does, WOW!
I can see the HBC (homeless by choice) life came to me after years and years of planning on that eventuality and fantasizing about it as a child. How many children do you know that think being homeless would be fun and adventurous? I did, and still do :) You spend a third of your life asleep. No choice in that. So what do you do with the other 16 hours a day, the other 2/3 of your life? Most will spend a third (or more) working. And not meaningful, enlightening, purposeful work either. Mindless physical labor and robotic repetitive actions is where the vast majority find themselves. Some of who's left find a better version of the slave labor game. They attain jobs that "seem" to matter, "seem" to be important, but any true unbiased reflection will show the hollowness of these endeavors. Jobs like engineers, management, investing, business owners and the like, all have enough "street cred" in this earthly prison system, that although they remain trapped and shackled like all the other prisoners, they hold a "trustee" status, where prisoners are made to look after the other prisoners and are given "perks".
So, that leaves 1/3 of your life left. From what I have observed, that third is spent either trying to recover from your daily slave labor, or "taking care of" your little future prisoners, your children. Video games, television, music, sports, chemicals, and sex are all ways we attempt to detach ourselves from the inner pain of being a slave. Similar things are used in real prison. I spent 3 years there, so I can see the similarities plain as day. As for children, they become a huge part of the parents life, and rightly so. However, most parents make a HUGE mistake; they feel the way they were raised is the "right" way. Even in this modern world, where so many different ways of doing things are considered "right", people still refuse to question their beliefs and assumptions, and then pass that faulty thinking on to their children! How else could atrocities of the past, like Slavery, denying women the right to own property or vote, etc, be carried on for hundreds or thousands of years? And are we truly so arrogant that we think all the "horrible" things of the past have been dealt with? What of war? What of treating our animal brothers and sisters like products instead of living beings? What of greed corrupting the minds of those in power to the point to where we are being fed poison in our food because it takes 20 years to kill instead of 2? What of using imaginary lines on a map to distinguish who is valid from who is invalid? What of us choosing to hurt others so that we may profit? The atrocities are not over. Many know this, but many do not. Many think we are at the pinnacle of human evolution and knowledge, and we are more enlightened now than ever. I disagree. We have just gotten much better at denial and the "appearance" of civility.
We, as humans, know something is wrong. It's in all our forms of expression. In music, in art, in literature, in religion. We know something is off, and that "knowing" can slowly drive us insane. "Like a splinter in your mind" as Morpheus says. So I choose to do something about it. I choose to "unplug". But I feel it's not really a choice at all. Like Neo, I can never go back. I would not want to, knowing what I know now. I have devoted the 2/3 of my life I spend awake, to being "awake". To see the world mindfully, to question, and as strength permits, to do the right thing. My shackles are off. Are yours?
Saturday, August 20, 2011
"Do You Love Me?" (a lyrical poem about when Kim and I first met)
Days spent shooting through the desert
Nights spent gathered around the electronic fire
Gaining ground on my destiny
Hoping for something to take me higher
Picking up your transmissions
Curious if this is the one
Rolling the dice once again
To see if I can raise the sun
A few drops have hit my face
But I'm not even wet yet
The dice are still rolling
I haven't placed my bet yet
East meets west and time stands still
The gods all hold their breath
Would this be the start of a never-ending journey
Or would it be it's death?
An eternity in an instant
As the gravity of fate pulled you to me
Did you think that summer morning
I would be the one to set you free?
Never loved or been loved
Now you have eyes to see
I asked of you only this question
Do you love me?
I do not ask for my own sake
Or to clear up a misconception
For I know the answer is yes,
And it has a grand reception
I ask so that you may do the same
Having given up long ago
Resigned to a life of acquaintance
With little truth to show
I see the sparkle in your eyes
The divine essence of fate
Take my hand, walk with me
I'll give you more than a taste
Ah yes there it is
Realization blooming like a flower
The awareness of your love for me
Giving you undreamt of power
Power to open a heart once closed
Power to shine a light where no one knows
Power to accept that you can be seen
As the ultimate most wonderful girl of my dreams.
I love you Kim.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
New Meaning From An Old Story
I was just thinking back to an illustrated serial story I wrote back in 5th grade. We had to write a journal entry everyday, and mine was in the form of a story being written, each day being a new chapter. The story was about a group of kids who had fallen through a portal into a fantasy world, being transformed into hybrid animal/human creatures. The point of the story was for the group to get back home. This was to be achieved by going on a long journey, and overcoming a series of obstacles in their path using skill, intellect and ability. Each obstacle was a different type of wall. Each wall could only be overcome by one member of the group, using their particular gift.
Looking back now, of course, I see something deeper. It appears my subconscious was writing a story about the point of life. And that point, it seems, was to overcome the obstacles you face in life. And after each one, there will be another. And another. Until you finally reach the promised land. And to get past each obstacle, you must utilize your innate ability and the things which make you different from everyone else. These differences must be celebrated, not hidden and felt ashamed of. It seems the journey I'm on now, started much sooner than I realized.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Update: Living the HBC (homeless by choice) life, ONE MONTH SO FAR
Today is August 8th, 2011. That means it's been a little over a month since Kim and I have been living out of her car. I'd have to say that the first week is by far the worst. For me, at least. The days were fine. During the week, I'd hang out at Starbucks and research on the laptop, or relax at a park, maybe smoke a little green in the car, depending on my mood. Weekends also tended to be fun. With no home to be lazy at, with no couch to "potato", you tend to do more stuff. Dining out, movies, reading at a library or Barnes&Nobles, chillin in the car listening to the decent sound system. If you're a beach person, it gets even better. For some reason the prospect of having to attain parking always makes me think twice about heading to one of the beaches around here. Plus, I think the appeal of the beach for many people, is they don't get to see it very often, so there's a sense of urgency to experience it when they can. But when you live 5 miles away from the beach...it's not so tempting. We haven't been there a single time this month.
The hard part, in the beginning at least, was finding a place to sleep. Since you aren't legally allowed to sleep in your car (wtf? Land of the free my ASS) you have to find a spot you won't be hassled by cops or security. We found out that the Walmart's here don't let you stay more than a day. 24 hour Fitness (the gym we shower at) doesn't let you sleep either, even if you ARE a member. We found a couple decent places, but they were kind of secluded, so it didn't feel very safe. Finally we decided to look for residential streets, near apartment complexes where people mind their own business, and to look close to the gym, so we wouldn't have to drive far in the morning. It wasn't long before we found the perfect spot, with street parking and condos/apt's everywhere. Quiet, safe, no security or police patrols. When it gets to be around 10pm, we head to the gym parking lot, put most of the stuff from the back into the passenger seat. Kim get's in the back, then fixes all the windows with rolled up pillowcases clamped, so that when we pull up to our spot, all I have to do is unclamp them, and the pillowcases roll down like shades, keeping the street lights from blinding us and people from looking in. We put a towel up blocking the rear window, and a foil sunshade to block the windshield. We do this fast and quiet. You don't want the residents to know you are in the car. You want them to think you live in one of the apt's. The windows are kept cracked 3 inches to allow heat and moisture to escape. Stormy always sleeps with us, and she's a happy cat. We keep her litter box in the back floorboard on the passenger side, and keep it cleaned daily. Her food and water is in the front floorboard, in a deep office organizer so it doesn't spill as we drive around. The car is like her personal amusement park, so many tunnels and crawl spaces. She loves going under the seats, over the seats, on the dash, under the pillows and everywhere else, all in the space of a few seconds when she gets excited :P We kept the little carpet door hanger (its for cats to scratch) and hung it from the hook over the driver's side back door. She claws that and NOT the leather seats. She's a good kitty.
So. I have proven to myself that I CAN do this, and won't go crazy. That's good. The bad part, so far, is that I feel EXACTLY the same as before, when I lived in the apt. I still have good days, I still have horrible days. Maybe it will take more time for a different mindset to develop, or maybe one will not develop at all. And a couple "new" things have happened internally; 1) I have accepted my Asperger's. For 2 years I have known about it, because it was pointed out by Kim. At the time, when she told me, I looked it up, saw she was probably right, and kind of dismissed it. I was still dealing with being a probable sociopath/narcissist at the time. Many things about me fit that, and the things that didn't I ignored. But for some reason I felt led this month to truly research Asperger's, and deeply analyze my past and current life, and core personality. Instead of trying to understand one or two odd things about myself, it appeared that Asperger's took EVERYTHING about me, everything that made me different and not like regular people, and tied it all together in one neat and tidy category. Asperger's. Because it is a form of high-functioning Autism, it affects almost everything about how you see and interact with the world. It's a difference in the brain. Some would call it a "abnormality", and while that is certainly true in the literal sense (it's not "normal", after all, where normal here means NeuroTypical) the inference there is that it's BAD, which it is NOT. Assuming of course, that you want to be yourself, and not try to "become" neurotypical. Growing up not knowing I had this, I tried 2 opposing things at the same time. I was trying to "boost" my good Asperger qualities (analyzation, critical thinking, super senses, memory) and "inhibit" my bad Asperger qualities (rocking back and forth, finger-flapping, weird noise making, social anxiety, not fitting in, not being athletic, being temperature sensitive, sound sensitive). It turns out, I should have just accepted myself as I was a long time ago, but many of the complexes that arose from dealing with all that, plus my horrible home life, put me on the journey I am on today. Which leads me to the second thing that has changed; I want to go to India, to find an enlightened master to help guide me in the ways of meditation and also to be saturated in a culture that truly understands and encourages spiritual growth via renunciation. I have been a renunciate all my life, by sheer instinct. This life calls to me, and I do not know how long I will be able to resist. I have much preparation if a teacher is to find me worthy and ready for instruction. I have done the research, and know that for me, this is the only way I will make the progress I seek. Do not be surprised if you see a blog titled "On My Way To India, see ya in 10 years!" :D
The hard part, in the beginning at least, was finding a place to sleep. Since you aren't legally allowed to sleep in your car (wtf? Land of the free my ASS) you have to find a spot you won't be hassled by cops or security. We found out that the Walmart's here don't let you stay more than a day. 24 hour Fitness (the gym we shower at) doesn't let you sleep either, even if you ARE a member. We found a couple decent places, but they were kind of secluded, so it didn't feel very safe. Finally we decided to look for residential streets, near apartment complexes where people mind their own business, and to look close to the gym, so we wouldn't have to drive far in the morning. It wasn't long before we found the perfect spot, with street parking and condos/apt's everywhere. Quiet, safe, no security or police patrols. When it gets to be around 10pm, we head to the gym parking lot, put most of the stuff from the back into the passenger seat. Kim get's in the back, then fixes all the windows with rolled up pillowcases clamped, so that when we pull up to our spot, all I have to do is unclamp them, and the pillowcases roll down like shades, keeping the street lights from blinding us and people from looking in. We put a towel up blocking the rear window, and a foil sunshade to block the windshield. We do this fast and quiet. You don't want the residents to know you are in the car. You want them to think you live in one of the apt's. The windows are kept cracked 3 inches to allow heat and moisture to escape. Stormy always sleeps with us, and she's a happy cat. We keep her litter box in the back floorboard on the passenger side, and keep it cleaned daily. Her food and water is in the front floorboard, in a deep office organizer so it doesn't spill as we drive around. The car is like her personal amusement park, so many tunnels and crawl spaces. She loves going under the seats, over the seats, on the dash, under the pillows and everywhere else, all in the space of a few seconds when she gets excited :P We kept the little carpet door hanger (its for cats to scratch) and hung it from the hook over the driver's side back door. She claws that and NOT the leather seats. She's a good kitty.
So. I have proven to myself that I CAN do this, and won't go crazy. That's good. The bad part, so far, is that I feel EXACTLY the same as before, when I lived in the apt. I still have good days, I still have horrible days. Maybe it will take more time for a different mindset to develop, or maybe one will not develop at all. And a couple "new" things have happened internally; 1) I have accepted my Asperger's. For 2 years I have known about it, because it was pointed out by Kim. At the time, when she told me, I looked it up, saw she was probably right, and kind of dismissed it. I was still dealing with being a probable sociopath/narcissist at the time. Many things about me fit that, and the things that didn't I ignored. But for some reason I felt led this month to truly research Asperger's, and deeply analyze my past and current life, and core personality. Instead of trying to understand one or two odd things about myself, it appeared that Asperger's took EVERYTHING about me, everything that made me different and not like regular people, and tied it all together in one neat and tidy category. Asperger's. Because it is a form of high-functioning Autism, it affects almost everything about how you see and interact with the world. It's a difference in the brain. Some would call it a "abnormality", and while that is certainly true in the literal sense (it's not "normal", after all, where normal here means NeuroTypical) the inference there is that it's BAD, which it is NOT. Assuming of course, that you want to be yourself, and not try to "become" neurotypical. Growing up not knowing I had this, I tried 2 opposing things at the same time. I was trying to "boost" my good Asperger qualities (analyzation, critical thinking, super senses, memory) and "inhibit" my bad Asperger qualities (rocking back and forth, finger-flapping, weird noise making, social anxiety, not fitting in, not being athletic, being temperature sensitive, sound sensitive). It turns out, I should have just accepted myself as I was a long time ago, but many of the complexes that arose from dealing with all that, plus my horrible home life, put me on the journey I am on today. Which leads me to the second thing that has changed; I want to go to India, to find an enlightened master to help guide me in the ways of meditation and also to be saturated in a culture that truly understands and encourages spiritual growth via renunciation. I have been a renunciate all my life, by sheer instinct. This life calls to me, and I do not know how long I will be able to resist. I have much preparation if a teacher is to find me worthy and ready for instruction. I have done the research, and know that for me, this is the only way I will make the progress I seek. Do not be surprised if you see a blog titled "On My Way To India, see ya in 10 years!" :D
Monday, July 25, 2011
Let me be
I am standing before you today
Hoping you will listen to what I say
But it won't take long, it'll come out wrong, need a hit on my mental bong
My words here will bear witness, exercise them regularly for mental fitness
But my leg starts to shake, a little vocal earthquake, I know it's coming for christ's sake
Happens every time, even to a rhyme, you folks will think I've lost my mind
Asperger's syndrome is what it's called, builds a prison with infinite walls
But I didn't erect this social cage, I was never given the book, not even a page
I smoke the world through a different pipe, I question authority and don't believe the hype
Some think I'm defective, but I'm a social detective, thinking my way while being objective
You feel your way like the blind, While my thoughts approach from behind
Can you hear my voice crack, can you hear it waver? You're drinking the Kool-aid, but do you know the flavor?
You've always known I was different from you, to repel or embrace, just what could you do?
Your heart may know it's wrong to judge, but surely God could forgive this little smudge?
It seems okay to flow with the crowd, picking on the different, it's always allowed.
But those little freaks grow up to be me, their heart in pain, their souls not free
They don't let us know there's another way to flow, just the linear line of being
To conform and grow in the Creator's glow is all that they are seeing
My ways are valid, my thoughts are supreme, in my personal realm of thought,
Maybe you too, will split the beam, and cash out on all you have bought.
Born this way, is what they say, and I am inclined to agree
All I want, in this strange alien world, is just to be let be.
Hoping you will listen to what I say
But it won't take long, it'll come out wrong, need a hit on my mental bong
My words here will bear witness, exercise them regularly for mental fitness
But my leg starts to shake, a little vocal earthquake, I know it's coming for christ's sake
Happens every time, even to a rhyme, you folks will think I've lost my mind
Asperger's syndrome is what it's called, builds a prison with infinite walls
But I didn't erect this social cage, I was never given the book, not even a page
I smoke the world through a different pipe, I question authority and don't believe the hype
Some think I'm defective, but I'm a social detective, thinking my way while being objective
You feel your way like the blind, While my thoughts approach from behind
Can you hear my voice crack, can you hear it waver? You're drinking the Kool-aid, but do you know the flavor?
You've always known I was different from you, to repel or embrace, just what could you do?
Your heart may know it's wrong to judge, but surely God could forgive this little smudge?
It seems okay to flow with the crowd, picking on the different, it's always allowed.
But those little freaks grow up to be me, their heart in pain, their souls not free
They don't let us know there's another way to flow, just the linear line of being
To conform and grow in the Creator's glow is all that they are seeing
My ways are valid, my thoughts are supreme, in my personal realm of thought,
Maybe you too, will split the beam, and cash out on all you have bought.
Born this way, is what they say, and I am inclined to agree
All I want, in this strange alien world, is just to be let be.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The Homeless Life By Choice (kind of)
If you have read my previous blogs, you know I have a dream of self-sufficiency and living free. What I mean by this, in essence, is that I want to live my life without being controlled by others or indebted to others or dependent on others. I have tried various methods to accomplish this, and theorized many others. My current lifestyle is that of being homeless by choice. I say "by choice", because if Kim and I so chose, we could rent a room or studio. But in this area, the cost of such a thing, would ensure that we had zero money to expand our horizons, get out of debt, and eat healthy. I think this is the trap many Americans find themselves caught in. From cradle to grave, we are made to want certain things. A home, preferably owned. A vehicle, preferably a newer model. The latest clothing. The tastiest food. The best "education". The classiest entertainment. And if you can't afford these things, you are made to feel inferior to those who can. That is, unless you become one of the "proud poor", who cherish their generic brands, clunker cars, rented homes and trailers, processed food and crass entertainment. The latter folks mainly take pride in these things, not because they are "better" or "just as good", but because secretly they want the upper middleclass lifestyle, but know they will never attain it, so they take a false pride in what they CAN have, to dilute the shame they feel deep inside. But I have had a revelation; I believe these two "opposing" mindsets are actually both unhealthy, and designed to keep class warfare ongoing, instead of elevating our minds from the morass of nationalism, classism, and sensualism.
Nationalism keeps people interested in politics, for love of country. This makes sure those fiery individuals with potential for recruiting believers to their cause, will funnel that energy back into the system, the status quo, instead of actually initiating the real change required to further our species and our planet.
Classism keeps those who have a need to be "superior" basically chasing their tails. The energy and time required trying to "keep up with Joneses" and have the best of everything could be much better spent trying to figure out what things are truly needed in life, and what the far reaching effects of our entertainment based society is going to have. And of course, those too poor to play "the game" are left feeling dissatisfied, left-out, angry and uneducated. It seems, in our American society, the side of the Philosopher is ignored altogether. While his points cause introspection and concession during a talk, afterwards his words are soon forgotten, and the siren's call of sensualism takes hold once again.
Sensualism, by my definition, is when a person spends the majority of their time or energy trying to satisfy the senses. Whether it be taste buds, the ears, the eyes, or touch, many people choose to opt out of "the rat race" to pursue a world of sensual pleasure. "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die" rings true for many. While this mindset certainly seems more natural than that of those who choose to compete materially with each other, it still does nothing to promote the greater good or increase the actual happiness one receives from life. Sensory pleasure is illusory, not real. It is just signals interpreted by your brain. It is a form of masturbation. While these things are needed from time to time and are perfectly natural, as humans we have the ability to overdo things. We tend to see things in terms of instant gratification, instead of the far reaching effects. To know that, we need critical thinking and education. But not the kind you get in school. The education that matters most, is the kind you give yourself. The government will not provide you an education that will raise your mind above such petty issues as nationalism, politics, antiquated science, and capitalism. The future of our "nation" depends on the government keeping us "productive", meaning they need to keep us ignorant, buying things and making money, so they can continue to reap the taxes from it to support our military, which the threat of is used to bully the rest of the world into "our" way of thinking, thus keeping America "on top". After all, the person who makes the rules of the game, tends to win.
With all this in mind, I decided something had to be done. But what? For a long time, I railed against hypocrites, tried to spread philosophy, educated myself on all the other forms of thought and logic that I had been kept from. I tried using video and audio to show others. And I came to a sobering conclusion. Much like Morpheus in "The Matrix", when trying to explain to Neo why the average person can be an enemy, even though you want to save them. He said, "You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it."
So I stopped trying to "save" everyone, like a born again Christian, and instead decided to follow through with the realization that I can only control myself, and I am only responsible for myself. As Ghandi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world". I always thought that sounded more like a sound byte than a real truth, but now I get it. Whatever you do, think to yourself, "If everyone did this, what would the world be like?" So instead of asking "What would Jesus do?", I ask "What should everyone do?" And that is what I try to do. That is why I'm a raw Vegan. That is why I choose to live free instead of paying rent. That is why I choose to not slave away at a job I do not like for money I do not need to buy things that serve no real purpose, other than to distract you from the truth. It is also why I am writing this. For though I know that no one can see the path until they are ready, I hope that by me just putting what I know out on the net, maybe it might help someone who stumbles across it, on their own journey. I know in my own research, the writings of other thinking individuals caused a great many things to stir within me I had no idea were there. So here are the seeds of awakening. Get to watering!
Nationalism keeps people interested in politics, for love of country. This makes sure those fiery individuals with potential for recruiting believers to their cause, will funnel that energy back into the system, the status quo, instead of actually initiating the real change required to further our species and our planet.
Classism keeps those who have a need to be "superior" basically chasing their tails. The energy and time required trying to "keep up with Joneses" and have the best of everything could be much better spent trying to figure out what things are truly needed in life, and what the far reaching effects of our entertainment based society is going to have. And of course, those too poor to play "the game" are left feeling dissatisfied, left-out, angry and uneducated. It seems, in our American society, the side of the Philosopher is ignored altogether. While his points cause introspection and concession during a talk, afterwards his words are soon forgotten, and the siren's call of sensualism takes hold once again.
Sensualism, by my definition, is when a person spends the majority of their time or energy trying to satisfy the senses. Whether it be taste buds, the ears, the eyes, or touch, many people choose to opt out of "the rat race" to pursue a world of sensual pleasure. "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die" rings true for many. While this mindset certainly seems more natural than that of those who choose to compete materially with each other, it still does nothing to promote the greater good or increase the actual happiness one receives from life. Sensory pleasure is illusory, not real. It is just signals interpreted by your brain. It is a form of masturbation. While these things are needed from time to time and are perfectly natural, as humans we have the ability to overdo things. We tend to see things in terms of instant gratification, instead of the far reaching effects. To know that, we need critical thinking and education. But not the kind you get in school. The education that matters most, is the kind you give yourself. The government will not provide you an education that will raise your mind above such petty issues as nationalism, politics, antiquated science, and capitalism. The future of our "nation" depends on the government keeping us "productive", meaning they need to keep us ignorant, buying things and making money, so they can continue to reap the taxes from it to support our military, which the threat of is used to bully the rest of the world into "our" way of thinking, thus keeping America "on top". After all, the person who makes the rules of the game, tends to win.
With all this in mind, I decided something had to be done. But what? For a long time, I railed against hypocrites, tried to spread philosophy, educated myself on all the other forms of thought and logic that I had been kept from. I tried using video and audio to show others. And I came to a sobering conclusion. Much like Morpheus in "The Matrix", when trying to explain to Neo why the average person can be an enemy, even though you want to save them. He said, "You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it."
So I stopped trying to "save" everyone, like a born again Christian, and instead decided to follow through with the realization that I can only control myself, and I am only responsible for myself. As Ghandi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world". I always thought that sounded more like a sound byte than a real truth, but now I get it. Whatever you do, think to yourself, "If everyone did this, what would the world be like?" So instead of asking "What would Jesus do?", I ask "What should everyone do?" And that is what I try to do. That is why I'm a raw Vegan. That is why I choose to live free instead of paying rent. That is why I choose to not slave away at a job I do not like for money I do not need to buy things that serve no real purpose, other than to distract you from the truth. It is also why I am writing this. For though I know that no one can see the path until they are ready, I hope that by me just putting what I know out on the net, maybe it might help someone who stumbles across it, on their own journey. I know in my own research, the writings of other thinking individuals caused a great many things to stir within me I had no idea were there. So here are the seeds of awakening. Get to watering!
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