I am standing before you today
Hoping you will listen to what I say
But it won't take long, it'll come out wrong, need a hit on my mental bong
My words here will bear witness, exercise them regularly for mental fitness
But my leg starts to shake, a little vocal earthquake, I know it's coming for christ's sake
Happens every time, even to a rhyme, you folks will think I've lost my mind
Asperger's syndrome is what it's called, builds a prison with infinite walls
But I didn't erect this social cage, I was never given the book, not even a page
I smoke the world through a different pipe, I question authority and don't believe the hype
Some think I'm defective, but I'm a social detective, thinking my way while being objective
You feel your way like the blind, While my thoughts approach from behind
Can you hear my voice crack, can you hear it waver? You're drinking the Kool-aid, but do you know the flavor?
You've always known I was different from you, to repel or embrace, just what could you do?
Your heart may know it's wrong to judge, but surely God could forgive this little smudge?
It seems okay to flow with the crowd, picking on the different, it's always allowed.
But those little freaks grow up to be me, their heart in pain, their souls not free
They don't let us know there's another way to flow, just the linear line of being
To conform and grow in the Creator's glow is all that they are seeing
My ways are valid, my thoughts are supreme, in my personal realm of thought,
Maybe you too, will split the beam, and cash out on all you have bought.
Born this way, is what they say, and I am inclined to agree
All I want, in this strange alien world, is just to be let be.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The Homeless Life By Choice (kind of)
If you have read my previous blogs, you know I have a dream of self-sufficiency and living free. What I mean by this, in essence, is that I want to live my life without being controlled by others or indebted to others or dependent on others. I have tried various methods to accomplish this, and theorized many others. My current lifestyle is that of being homeless by choice. I say "by choice", because if Kim and I so chose, we could rent a room or studio. But in this area, the cost of such a thing, would ensure that we had zero money to expand our horizons, get out of debt, and eat healthy. I think this is the trap many Americans find themselves caught in. From cradle to grave, we are made to want certain things. A home, preferably owned. A vehicle, preferably a newer model. The latest clothing. The tastiest food. The best "education". The classiest entertainment. And if you can't afford these things, you are made to feel inferior to those who can. That is, unless you become one of the "proud poor", who cherish their generic brands, clunker cars, rented homes and trailers, processed food and crass entertainment. The latter folks mainly take pride in these things, not because they are "better" or "just as good", but because secretly they want the upper middleclass lifestyle, but know they will never attain it, so they take a false pride in what they CAN have, to dilute the shame they feel deep inside. But I have had a revelation; I believe these two "opposing" mindsets are actually both unhealthy, and designed to keep class warfare ongoing, instead of elevating our minds from the morass of nationalism, classism, and sensualism.
Nationalism keeps people interested in politics, for love of country. This makes sure those fiery individuals with potential for recruiting believers to their cause, will funnel that energy back into the system, the status quo, instead of actually initiating the real change required to further our species and our planet.
Classism keeps those who have a need to be "superior" basically chasing their tails. The energy and time required trying to "keep up with Joneses" and have the best of everything could be much better spent trying to figure out what things are truly needed in life, and what the far reaching effects of our entertainment based society is going to have. And of course, those too poor to play "the game" are left feeling dissatisfied, left-out, angry and uneducated. It seems, in our American society, the side of the Philosopher is ignored altogether. While his points cause introspection and concession during a talk, afterwards his words are soon forgotten, and the siren's call of sensualism takes hold once again.
Sensualism, by my definition, is when a person spends the majority of their time or energy trying to satisfy the senses. Whether it be taste buds, the ears, the eyes, or touch, many people choose to opt out of "the rat race" to pursue a world of sensual pleasure. "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die" rings true for many. While this mindset certainly seems more natural than that of those who choose to compete materially with each other, it still does nothing to promote the greater good or increase the actual happiness one receives from life. Sensory pleasure is illusory, not real. It is just signals interpreted by your brain. It is a form of masturbation. While these things are needed from time to time and are perfectly natural, as humans we have the ability to overdo things. We tend to see things in terms of instant gratification, instead of the far reaching effects. To know that, we need critical thinking and education. But not the kind you get in school. The education that matters most, is the kind you give yourself. The government will not provide you an education that will raise your mind above such petty issues as nationalism, politics, antiquated science, and capitalism. The future of our "nation" depends on the government keeping us "productive", meaning they need to keep us ignorant, buying things and making money, so they can continue to reap the taxes from it to support our military, which the threat of is used to bully the rest of the world into "our" way of thinking, thus keeping America "on top". After all, the person who makes the rules of the game, tends to win.
With all this in mind, I decided something had to be done. But what? For a long time, I railed against hypocrites, tried to spread philosophy, educated myself on all the other forms of thought and logic that I had been kept from. I tried using video and audio to show others. And I came to a sobering conclusion. Much like Morpheus in "The Matrix", when trying to explain to Neo why the average person can be an enemy, even though you want to save them. He said, "You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it."
So I stopped trying to "save" everyone, like a born again Christian, and instead decided to follow through with the realization that I can only control myself, and I am only responsible for myself. As Ghandi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world". I always thought that sounded more like a sound byte than a real truth, but now I get it. Whatever you do, think to yourself, "If everyone did this, what would the world be like?" So instead of asking "What would Jesus do?", I ask "What should everyone do?" And that is what I try to do. That is why I'm a raw Vegan. That is why I choose to live free instead of paying rent. That is why I choose to not slave away at a job I do not like for money I do not need to buy things that serve no real purpose, other than to distract you from the truth. It is also why I am writing this. For though I know that no one can see the path until they are ready, I hope that by me just putting what I know out on the net, maybe it might help someone who stumbles across it, on their own journey. I know in my own research, the writings of other thinking individuals caused a great many things to stir within me I had no idea were there. So here are the seeds of awakening. Get to watering!
Nationalism keeps people interested in politics, for love of country. This makes sure those fiery individuals with potential for recruiting believers to their cause, will funnel that energy back into the system, the status quo, instead of actually initiating the real change required to further our species and our planet.
Classism keeps those who have a need to be "superior" basically chasing their tails. The energy and time required trying to "keep up with Joneses" and have the best of everything could be much better spent trying to figure out what things are truly needed in life, and what the far reaching effects of our entertainment based society is going to have. And of course, those too poor to play "the game" are left feeling dissatisfied, left-out, angry and uneducated. It seems, in our American society, the side of the Philosopher is ignored altogether. While his points cause introspection and concession during a talk, afterwards his words are soon forgotten, and the siren's call of sensualism takes hold once again.
Sensualism, by my definition, is when a person spends the majority of their time or energy trying to satisfy the senses. Whether it be taste buds, the ears, the eyes, or touch, many people choose to opt out of "the rat race" to pursue a world of sensual pleasure. "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die" rings true for many. While this mindset certainly seems more natural than that of those who choose to compete materially with each other, it still does nothing to promote the greater good or increase the actual happiness one receives from life. Sensory pleasure is illusory, not real. It is just signals interpreted by your brain. It is a form of masturbation. While these things are needed from time to time and are perfectly natural, as humans we have the ability to overdo things. We tend to see things in terms of instant gratification, instead of the far reaching effects. To know that, we need critical thinking and education. But not the kind you get in school. The education that matters most, is the kind you give yourself. The government will not provide you an education that will raise your mind above such petty issues as nationalism, politics, antiquated science, and capitalism. The future of our "nation" depends on the government keeping us "productive", meaning they need to keep us ignorant, buying things and making money, so they can continue to reap the taxes from it to support our military, which the threat of is used to bully the rest of the world into "our" way of thinking, thus keeping America "on top". After all, the person who makes the rules of the game, tends to win.
With all this in mind, I decided something had to be done. But what? For a long time, I railed against hypocrites, tried to spread philosophy, educated myself on all the other forms of thought and logic that I had been kept from. I tried using video and audio to show others. And I came to a sobering conclusion. Much like Morpheus in "The Matrix", when trying to explain to Neo why the average person can be an enemy, even though you want to save them. He said, "You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it."
So I stopped trying to "save" everyone, like a born again Christian, and instead decided to follow through with the realization that I can only control myself, and I am only responsible for myself. As Ghandi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world". I always thought that sounded more like a sound byte than a real truth, but now I get it. Whatever you do, think to yourself, "If everyone did this, what would the world be like?" So instead of asking "What would Jesus do?", I ask "What should everyone do?" And that is what I try to do. That is why I'm a raw Vegan. That is why I choose to live free instead of paying rent. That is why I choose to not slave away at a job I do not like for money I do not need to buy things that serve no real purpose, other than to distract you from the truth. It is also why I am writing this. For though I know that no one can see the path until they are ready, I hope that by me just putting what I know out on the net, maybe it might help someone who stumbles across it, on their own journey. I know in my own research, the writings of other thinking individuals caused a great many things to stir within me I had no idea were there. So here are the seeds of awakening. Get to watering!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Reflections on the more "unpleasant" side of Salvia
The concepts of "Heaven" and "Hell" seem infantile and comparable to The Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, when held along side the infinite horrors revealed as possibilities when tripping on Salvia. Burning for eternity in hell seems preferable to the thought of plummeting through the black hole of infinite space time, at the same time being no one and nothing but feeling extreme fear, unease, your soul unraveling, mind being pulled apart like taffy, your consciousness dissolving....having it torn apart and put back together again, not knowing who or what you are...it is a reality I have felt, and tremble even now thinking of it. Hell-fire may or may not exist, but I now know it is possible to become lost in space-time, with no true bearing on "reality", whatever that really is. Horrifying.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Smoked plain Salvia leaves, no extract. Written while coming down.
(First hit) It's temporary and it'll be over soon (life, and the uncomfortable unpleasantness of it)....I was at a sports game as a child...like soccer or something....but it wasn't real...it's the dream world....and i felt like I wanted to get up and go but I was stuck to that world...like a piece of tape or a sticker...two dimensional... there were people there...it felt like they were my mother and the coach...getting impatient...but not anyone I knew from "my real" past....I felt reality roll away, and those people were part of the "sheet" of reality being swept away..I realized that if I tried to describe any of this to people in this fake reality, they would not be able to comprehend it, them being only "2-D". How do you describe reality to someone who's never experienced it?
(Second hit) It was as if I was a little boy....under the couch....and I had fallen
asleep....and that the "real world" was all just a dream...that the world
we're I'm a little boy asleep under a couch, in the 1980's is the real
world....I feel like I am anticipating my mother or grandmother reaching
under the couch, and gently pulling me out from under it. Aparently I had
been playing "hide and seek" and fell asleep, only to dream this world of
2011. I cannot tell which, if either, world is real. For, while it
appears to me now that THIS world is real, the world of 1980's under the
couch seemed just as real then. The surety of the "realness" was
astounding.
(3rd hit) I can;t focus on the real world. The world I was at.... I could only focus
on one part, just a pillar. The pillar was all I could see and pay
attention to. It felt like I was missing a much greater whole by just
focusing on a fancy part, a part that really had no meaning...and I
remember thinking..."damn I can't stop looking at this stupid pole...I'm
missing the real thing.
(4th hit) I remember them....boy they don't want me to, but I do.... as I was being
rolled into the whole "little boy under a couch" reality, it peeled away
and the transition was supposed to be as a feminine family member pulling me out from under the couch as I wakened to the half-asleep state where you
can kind-of remember your dreams, but then it paused because I caught
them. I caught the beings that have to roll your realities. They, when
approached, give off a feeling of familiarity, and peacefulness. Like a
loving, close family member...but they screwed up. I didn't HAVE any
loving family members...so it seemed a little off from the start. That's
when they knew they had been caught, There was a feeling of "What now?"
coming from them, then dissapointment. I felt bad for them and told them
"It's okay, you can...ummm....you can try to impersonate my Dad!" (I was
trying to give them an image to give me to fit the disguise they
apparently needed to interact with me. My father was the only positive
influence from my childhood.
(Second hit) It was as if I was a little boy....under the couch....and I had fallen
asleep....and that the "real world" was all just a dream...that the world
we're I'm a little boy asleep under a couch, in the 1980's is the real
world....I feel like I am anticipating my mother or grandmother reaching
under the couch, and gently pulling me out from under it. Aparently I had
been playing "hide and seek" and fell asleep, only to dream this world of
2011. I cannot tell which, if either, world is real. For, while it
appears to me now that THIS world is real, the world of 1980's under the
couch seemed just as real then. The surety of the "realness" was
astounding.
(3rd hit) I can;t focus on the real world. The world I was at.... I could only focus
on one part, just a pillar. The pillar was all I could see and pay
attention to. It felt like I was missing a much greater whole by just
focusing on a fancy part, a part that really had no meaning...and I
remember thinking..."damn I can't stop looking at this stupid pole...I'm
missing the real thing.
(4th hit) I remember them....boy they don't want me to, but I do.... as I was being
rolled into the whole "little boy under a couch" reality, it peeled away
and the transition was supposed to be as a feminine family member pulling me out from under the couch as I wakened to the half-asleep state where you
can kind-of remember your dreams, but then it paused because I caught
them. I caught the beings that have to roll your realities. They, when
approached, give off a feeling of familiarity, and peacefulness. Like a
loving, close family member...but they screwed up. I didn't HAVE any
loving family members...so it seemed a little off from the start. That's
when they knew they had been caught, There was a feeling of "What now?"
coming from them, then dissapointment. I felt bad for them and told them
"It's okay, you can...ummm....you can try to impersonate my Dad!" (I was
trying to give them an image to give me to fit the disguise they
apparently needed to interact with me. My father was the only positive
influence from my childhood.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Chewed Salvia
I did some research online and found that chewed Salvia is also a viable way of ingesting the Salvinorin A psychedelic compound. I decided to try it, as I had only "smoked" salvia before. They say chewing it is milder, but lasts longer. Here is the result (I chewed a bunch of leaves, 8 grams dried worth, at 4 in the morning, sitting in the dark, on the couch, just the light of my laptop shining back at me);
I remember the first two twips now.... being stuck in the 80's...I was seeingly laying down in the driveway/carpet of a 1980's house, and the "abc" logo, how it used to roll sideways and be all "trippy" as it "rollled" by after a cartoon, like in He-Man during the credits...it felt like all of reality was peeling away like that....that I was apart of that past, not that I was IN that past, that my family was "over there", that they all knew me, that my life with them was normal and typical, and they wanted me to quit "playing around" and come on. Come on doing what? I don't know. It feels like we were all supposed to go somewhere...or that that i WAS MISSING OUT ON COOKIES.
Oh shit i feel it now.....how do I turn the italics off? I remember from that past trip....chips ahoy cookies...hot wheels race track....bowling....that this life is all a dream and I just need to wAKE UP, AS A CHILD. I'm a child, a kid, somewhere else....help me....someone must know.,justin find them find who knows...find the truth...find the truth,,,they know someone must know keep searching you are on the right path keep looking don't stop this isn't just drugs
being rolled AWAY LIKE BOWLING
I remember thinking "Hmmm okay....this is not real. Soon, mom and the guys will lift the cover (Of the couch? Curtains? Tablecloth?) and this crazy trip will be over....the scrary part, is that the charcter who's world and body I had jumped in, had seeminly also jumped into this body and time here. He was just as confused and scared as me?
He was little boy
he IS a little boy'
I remember the first two twips now.... being stuck in the 80's...I was seeingly laying down in the driveway/carpet of a 1980's house, and the "abc" logo, how it used to roll sideways and be all "trippy" as it "rollled" by after a cartoon, like in He-Man during the credits...it felt like all of reality was peeling away like that....that I was apart of that past, not that I was IN that past, that my family was "over there", that they all knew me, that my life with them was normal and typical, and they wanted me to quit "playing around" and come on. Come on doing what? I don't know. It feels like we were all supposed to go somewhere...or that that i WAS MISSING OUT ON COOKIES.
Oh shit i feel it now.....how do I turn the italics off? I remember from that past trip....chips ahoy cookies...hot wheels race track....bowling....that this life is all a dream and I just need to wAKE UP, AS A CHILD. I'm a child, a kid, somewhere else....help me....someone must know.,justin find them find who knows...find the truth...find the truth,,,they know someone must know keep searching you are on the right path keep looking don't stop this isn't just drugs
being rolled AWAY LIKE BOWLING
I remember thinking "Hmmm okay....this is not real. Soon, mom and the guys will lift the cover (Of the couch? Curtains? Tablecloth?) and this crazy trip will be over....the scrary part, is that the charcter who's world and body I had jumped in, had seeminly also jumped into this body and time here. He was just as confused and scared as me?
He was little boy
he IS a little boy'
Monday, May 9, 2011
Written while coming down from a Salvia trip
I know now. Even in this foggy, cartoon world, some semblance of perception from the REAL world remains. The substancless of all in this "video game" world is obvious, at least for now. The "real" me will soon become enveloped in a hazy mirage, a facsimile of a world that I wonder if ever truly existed. The game is, on one level, complex and amazing in it's "reality". But I now see that the key to "believing" in this reality (the one you have to exist in to read this) is by being drugged. I don't know how it's done. But the effects are still the same. We all exist, in peace and harmony, (as best as can be described with language) in a place of purity. Purity. That is the word I would use, but with all the power you can muster behind it. This world is a lie. To be exact, what we BELIEVE about the world is a lie. The world itself is neither illusory or real, just a thing doing what it was designed to do. I used to believe that this "reality" was designed to teach us something during the course of a lifetime. Now, I'm not so sure. I don't know about everyone else, but I know that my real home is not here. I was just there, and it felt great. In order to get back to where I came from, I did not have to physically go anywhere. Instead, my consciousness traveled back in time to before I was born. To the place where you are, before being brought into this world. It is beautiful and pure. There is love, and companionship, you are never alone, and yet you are never "observed". You just are, as is everyone else. Then, as best as my brain could decipher what was going on, it appeared that I was being pulled up into the sky, and for a while, during that process, I could see into this world, by opening my eyes...closing them -back there-, open them and -back here-. Except, in this state, the world here took on a whole new perspective. The falsity of this world was obvious. It's a sham, and for me, a poorly designed one at that. I know that's critical, and I feel like I may hurt the feelings of whoever designed this character for me, but let's face it. My characters life, and starting position have all sucked majorly. Poorly written, boring. I could see my living room (where I was tripping), as though it were a scene in the panels of a comic book. And the funny thing, is it appeared to be the "scene" of a comic strip BEFORE the characters have arrived to fill it. Like how a set would look before the director and actors showed up to work. It was like I caught a glimpse "back scenes". Imagine if you watched a soap opera all your life, and you became so obsessed with it, that you felt the characters were real, you began to relate to them, and it became how you viewed your world. Then, imagine one day a friend of yours, knowing you are a fan, took you to see a taping of the show. You would see what happens between takes, see the actors act like their REAL selves, etc.... Imagine then, now knowing that the show you love is just a story, meant to entertain you, imagine trying to go back to your normal life, of being obsessed with the soap opera. You would not be able to. The image of it's reality would have shattered the idealistic image you had. You could never go back...not unless something drugged you and once again tried to convince you that the soap IS real, that the "behind the scenes" trip was just a drug someone slipped you, it wasn't real..and in your intoxicated state, you fall back into it....
That is what is happening here. I did NOT want to leave the real world when I was taken back, yet I have no recollection of what was going on a few minutes BEFORE I got snatched up into the clouds to come back here. The clearest memory I have of the event, was seeing how utterly ridiculous this world is, how I could NOT BELIEVE how anyone would think this shit is real, and then I remembered that when you come here, your brain gets all fucked up and you can't think straight. Luckily at the time, I was THERE, not HERE and I could see this cartoony backdrop for what it was. I want a new character!
5/9/2011
Justin?
That is what is happening here. I did NOT want to leave the real world when I was taken back, yet I have no recollection of what was going on a few minutes BEFORE I got snatched up into the clouds to come back here. The clearest memory I have of the event, was seeing how utterly ridiculous this world is, how I could NOT BELIEVE how anyone would think this shit is real, and then I remembered that when you come here, your brain gets all fucked up and you can't think straight. Luckily at the time, I was THERE, not HERE and I could see this cartoony backdrop for what it was. I want a new character!
5/9/2011
Justin?
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Bin Laden Dead, to rejoice or not?
When I heard the news, I felt so happy. I felt a dark cloud lift from America. I know I am not the only one. However, upon reading facebook and online news comments, I see there is a minority stating it's not good to rejoice in Osama's death. Peace-activists and such, which, if you read my blog, you'll know I am.
I believe the greatest crime one can commit, and really the only true crime that exists, is when you exert your will forcefully onto another human. Whether it's physically, psychologically, emotionally, etc... So, the more people you affect this way, the worse you are as a "person", where person is defined as a human that at the minimum inflicts no harm to other beings. When one of these people are removed from the world, by whatever means, it is a time of rejoicing for humanity, for it replaces a bit of the balance that was lost, when one person grows too powerful in a negative way. We all have positive and negative in us, but rarely do we attain such power over others, as to organize our singular will over the sheepish minds of the masses. I rejoice in the death of Osama. I am not thrilled it was an execution, a trial would have been awesome. However we all know how it would have ended. Rarely in a single persons lifetime can such a powerful personality captivate the minds of those angered, confused masses for such diabolical deeds.
REJOICE!!!!
I believe the greatest crime one can commit, and really the only true crime that exists, is when you exert your will forcefully onto another human. Whether it's physically, psychologically, emotionally, etc... So, the more people you affect this way, the worse you are as a "person", where person is defined as a human that at the minimum inflicts no harm to other beings. When one of these people are removed from the world, by whatever means, it is a time of rejoicing for humanity, for it replaces a bit of the balance that was lost, when one person grows too powerful in a negative way. We all have positive and negative in us, but rarely do we attain such power over others, as to organize our singular will over the sheepish minds of the masses. I rejoice in the death of Osama. I am not thrilled it was an execution, a trial would have been awesome. However we all know how it would have ended. Rarely in a single persons lifetime can such a powerful personality captivate the minds of those angered, confused masses for such diabolical deeds.
REJOICE!!!!
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