Have you ever seen the movie "The Crow"?
Did you revel in the reaping of what they did sow?
What might happen in a similar situation
Where a young boy abused, lost and forsaken
Dies inside and buries the pain deep
The corpse of his youth sent down into sleep
The clown makeup comes on, just as before
To hide the rotting and festering sores
But nothing he does can keep it locked away
This little demon wants to come out and play
It wants revenge and it wants it now
To "spread the love" oh boy and how!
This Crow doesn't kill, doesn't maim or stab
It's almost like he was made in a lab
Self-flagellation relived through memory
Justifies the cause of unending misery
Distilled anger and concentrated pain
A rage that is endless as the Seattle rain
While certain barbs and thorns arise from his exterior
His rotting flesh is still labeled "inferior"
When then one day the bird comes to visit
His namesake, his guide, this animal exquisite
A feeling of peace, of comfort, of grace
Soon takes away and begins to replace
The anger and pain from the paint on his face.
Though still dead in the eyes of his peers
He has a knowledge to protect him from sneers
An awareness of something larger than his pain
A purpose that might just erase the stain
And so he tries to clear to his head
This smiling, rotting, walking undead.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Sensation Seeking
Ever wonder why you do the things you do? Probably about half who read this will say yes, they do wonder what the motivations are behind their actions. The second half will say no, they don't wonder such things because, in their mind, the answer is obvious. But is it? You are reading these words on the screen right now. Why? The second half may say "Because I want to", or any number of other causal factors. But ask yourself this; WHY do you want to? And whatever answer you arrive at, ask yourself WHY once again. Keep doing this long enough, and eventually you'll reach a point where you do not have an answer readily available, but also you finally become AWARE that you DON'T KNOW.
Not knowing is the key that opens the door to enlightenment. We are taught certain things growing up. These things are taught to us by people we trust. Our parents. Our teachers. Our movies. Our TV. And so, by the time we reach our twenties, most of us think we have what matters all figured out. Our trusted sources have laid the blueprint down for a happy life, it's just up to us to follow it. If failure happens along the way, it's our fault, of course! We just didn't try "hard enough" or left the path for some reason. It never occurs to most, that the reason they fail, is because they are on the WRONG PATH. What? A wrong path? How can that be? We are clearly taught there is ONE path, and it's the path for EVERYONE. The path of doing good in school, making friends, following the advice of your elders, going to college, getting married, finding a career in a field that makes a ton of money, buying a nice house, having kids, getting old, and finally death. The tedium of this life is to be broken up by television, video games, sex, sports, and the drama of real life (ie politics, religion, family).
What I have discovered, is that there are many paths, perhaps infinite paths, and you do not have to follow the one that is put before you. In fact, rarely is that path the one for you. Usually, the path put before you is there because of someone else. They want you on that path, for reasons that could be good or not. So, it is important, once you are cognitively able, to question the path before you. If you are already on that path, question it anyway. I know starting over may seem impossible, a daunting task. But question it you must, for another, more fulfilling path may be out there, just waiting for you to claim it. So what is it that keeps us from claiming the path meant for us? There are many things, but this blog entry is going to focus on one; Sensation Seeking.
While I do not consider myself a Buddhist (not even Buddha was), I have to give credit where credit is due. The idea of "sensation seeking" and that it hinders personal growth and insight came from studying Buddhism. I looked at my life, both past and present. I analyzed the memories to see if the concept of sensation seeking was bull, or if there was some truth to it. I was shocked at what I found. Almost all of the things we do that hinder spiritual/mental growth comes seeking sensation. So what is it, exactly?
Sensation seeking is when we do something, or avoid something, implicitly for the reason of attaining a certain sensation, or avoiding one. The goal of all sensation seeking is pleasure. To "feel good" seems to be equated with "happiness". In America, "the pursuit of happiness" has been etched into our brains since birth. But what if the happiness we are taught to seek after, isn't true happiness? While we aren't taught it verbally, we DO learn that feeling good = happiness. Feeling good begins to seem like being hooked on drugs. We like how "feeling good" feels. Obviously. So we seek it, more and more. We are judged by HOW we seek to feel good. If the majority of people do a certain thing to feel good, they are cheered as normal. If someone does a thing to feel good that most people do NOT do, he/she is ostracized and judged by the masses. Our entire culture is built around the pursuit of happiness, which more and more seems to be the pursuit of feeling good.
We see a car. If looking at that car makes us "feel good" we buy it, if we can afford it. If we can't, we feel bad inside that we haven't lived a life that enables us to buy that car. But almost at the same time, we justify not needing that car, so the bad feeling is drowned out by the propaganda of our mind and it's desire to not be conscious of bad things. Denial. The same goes with clothes, food, homes, etc.... Almost any and everything you buy, regardless of the justifications you used to attain them, or the reasoning you use when you have to settle for things that make you feel "less good", are ultimately how they make you FEEL. So you begin to live a life of sensation seeking, like a drug addict looking for his next fix. Taste, Touch, Sight, Hearing, Smell and Mind are all your senses, and by the time you are an adult, these senses are using you, instead of you using them. For those that think the mind is not another sense, ask yourself this; when a person is looking toward the future or past, and relishes in the prospect of power and control, which sense gives him that information that makes him feel so good? It is mind, of course. The mind takes the input of the first 5 senses, and combines them all in a way that gives a greater understanding of pleasure than one sense alone could ever give. It also does the same for displeasure, usually referred to as Pain. So our lives are lived in constant pursuit of pleasure and in constant fear of pain. These primal urges work like background processes in a computer, affecting all you do without your conscious mind ever noticing. However, under careful scrutiny, these hidden processes can be revealed. And being conscious of these things, with the understanding that they are bad for you and should be altered, will begin to alter all by themselves.... So many people do not try to change, because they think it would be too hard. And if you "try" to change, it IS hard. So don't try. Just be aware. Make an effort to be aware. That is all. "Know Thy Self"
Not knowing is the key that opens the door to enlightenment. We are taught certain things growing up. These things are taught to us by people we trust. Our parents. Our teachers. Our movies. Our TV. And so, by the time we reach our twenties, most of us think we have what matters all figured out. Our trusted sources have laid the blueprint down for a happy life, it's just up to us to follow it. If failure happens along the way, it's our fault, of course! We just didn't try "hard enough" or left the path for some reason. It never occurs to most, that the reason they fail, is because they are on the WRONG PATH. What? A wrong path? How can that be? We are clearly taught there is ONE path, and it's the path for EVERYONE. The path of doing good in school, making friends, following the advice of your elders, going to college, getting married, finding a career in a field that makes a ton of money, buying a nice house, having kids, getting old, and finally death. The tedium of this life is to be broken up by television, video games, sex, sports, and the drama of real life (ie politics, religion, family).
What I have discovered, is that there are many paths, perhaps infinite paths, and you do not have to follow the one that is put before you. In fact, rarely is that path the one for you. Usually, the path put before you is there because of someone else. They want you on that path, for reasons that could be good or not. So, it is important, once you are cognitively able, to question the path before you. If you are already on that path, question it anyway. I know starting over may seem impossible, a daunting task. But question it you must, for another, more fulfilling path may be out there, just waiting for you to claim it. So what is it that keeps us from claiming the path meant for us? There are many things, but this blog entry is going to focus on one; Sensation Seeking.
While I do not consider myself a Buddhist (not even Buddha was), I have to give credit where credit is due. The idea of "sensation seeking" and that it hinders personal growth and insight came from studying Buddhism. I looked at my life, both past and present. I analyzed the memories to see if the concept of sensation seeking was bull, or if there was some truth to it. I was shocked at what I found. Almost all of the things we do that hinder spiritual/mental growth comes seeking sensation. So what is it, exactly?
Sensation seeking is when we do something, or avoid something, implicitly for the reason of attaining a certain sensation, or avoiding one. The goal of all sensation seeking is pleasure. To "feel good" seems to be equated with "happiness". In America, "the pursuit of happiness" has been etched into our brains since birth. But what if the happiness we are taught to seek after, isn't true happiness? While we aren't taught it verbally, we DO learn that feeling good = happiness. Feeling good begins to seem like being hooked on drugs. We like how "feeling good" feels. Obviously. So we seek it, more and more. We are judged by HOW we seek to feel good. If the majority of people do a certain thing to feel good, they are cheered as normal. If someone does a thing to feel good that most people do NOT do, he/she is ostracized and judged by the masses. Our entire culture is built around the pursuit of happiness, which more and more seems to be the pursuit of feeling good.
We see a car. If looking at that car makes us "feel good" we buy it, if we can afford it. If we can't, we feel bad inside that we haven't lived a life that enables us to buy that car. But almost at the same time, we justify not needing that car, so the bad feeling is drowned out by the propaganda of our mind and it's desire to not be conscious of bad things. Denial. The same goes with clothes, food, homes, etc.... Almost any and everything you buy, regardless of the justifications you used to attain them, or the reasoning you use when you have to settle for things that make you feel "less good", are ultimately how they make you FEEL. So you begin to live a life of sensation seeking, like a drug addict looking for his next fix. Taste, Touch, Sight, Hearing, Smell and Mind are all your senses, and by the time you are an adult, these senses are using you, instead of you using them. For those that think the mind is not another sense, ask yourself this; when a person is looking toward the future or past, and relishes in the prospect of power and control, which sense gives him that information that makes him feel so good? It is mind, of course. The mind takes the input of the first 5 senses, and combines them all in a way that gives a greater understanding of pleasure than one sense alone could ever give. It also does the same for displeasure, usually referred to as Pain. So our lives are lived in constant pursuit of pleasure and in constant fear of pain. These primal urges work like background processes in a computer, affecting all you do without your conscious mind ever noticing. However, under careful scrutiny, these hidden processes can be revealed. And being conscious of these things, with the understanding that they are bad for you and should be altered, will begin to alter all by themselves.... So many people do not try to change, because they think it would be too hard. And if you "try" to change, it IS hard. So don't try. Just be aware. Make an effort to be aware. That is all. "Know Thy Self"
Bearing Fruit
Well it's September 8th, which means we've been living the homeless life for 2 months now. Overall, the experience has been informative, fun, and transforming. And it still continues. I do not see ending this experiment anytime soon.
This has been one hell of summer. A cross country road trip, a vegas wedding, giving away most of our possessions, moving from a comfy apartment to living in a car (by choice), seeing my Dad after 8 years, and going Raw and Organic in addition to being Vegan. Also, it is when I finally researched and accepted being a high-functioning Autistic person, also known as an Aspie, short for Asperger's Syndrome. We see it as who we are, not something we "have". Whew! This is what appears to be many life altering changes in a short time. The truth, however, is that these changes were a long time coming. My tree may take a while to bear fruit, but when it does, WOW!
I can see the HBC (homeless by choice) life came to me after years and years of planning on that eventuality and fantasizing about it as a child. How many children do you know that think being homeless would be fun and adventurous? I did, and still do :) You spend a third of your life asleep. No choice in that. So what do you do with the other 16 hours a day, the other 2/3 of your life? Most will spend a third (or more) working. And not meaningful, enlightening, purposeful work either. Mindless physical labor and robotic repetitive actions is where the vast majority find themselves. Some of who's left find a better version of the slave labor game. They attain jobs that "seem" to matter, "seem" to be important, but any true unbiased reflection will show the hollowness of these endeavors. Jobs like engineers, management, investing, business owners and the like, all have enough "street cred" in this earthly prison system, that although they remain trapped and shackled like all the other prisoners, they hold a "trustee" status, where prisoners are made to look after the other prisoners and are given "perks".
So, that leaves 1/3 of your life left. From what I have observed, that third is spent either trying to recover from your daily slave labor, or "taking care of" your little future prisoners, your children. Video games, television, music, sports, chemicals, and sex are all ways we attempt to detach ourselves from the inner pain of being a slave. Similar things are used in real prison. I spent 3 years there, so I can see the similarities plain as day. As for children, they become a huge part of the parents life, and rightly so. However, most parents make a HUGE mistake; they feel the way they were raised is the "right" way. Even in this modern world, where so many different ways of doing things are considered "right", people still refuse to question their beliefs and assumptions, and then pass that faulty thinking on to their children! How else could atrocities of the past, like Slavery, denying women the right to own property or vote, etc, be carried on for hundreds or thousands of years? And are we truly so arrogant that we think all the "horrible" things of the past have been dealt with? What of war? What of treating our animal brothers and sisters like products instead of living beings? What of greed corrupting the minds of those in power to the point to where we are being fed poison in our food because it takes 20 years to kill instead of 2? What of using imaginary lines on a map to distinguish who is valid from who is invalid? What of us choosing to hurt others so that we may profit? The atrocities are not over. Many know this, but many do not. Many think we are at the pinnacle of human evolution and knowledge, and we are more enlightened now than ever. I disagree. We have just gotten much better at denial and the "appearance" of civility.
We, as humans, know something is wrong. It's in all our forms of expression. In music, in art, in literature, in religion. We know something is off, and that "knowing" can slowly drive us insane. "Like a splinter in your mind" as Morpheus says. So I choose to do something about it. I choose to "unplug". But I feel it's not really a choice at all. Like Neo, I can never go back. I would not want to, knowing what I know now. I have devoted the 2/3 of my life I spend awake, to being "awake". To see the world mindfully, to question, and as strength permits, to do the right thing. My shackles are off. Are yours?
This has been one hell of summer. A cross country road trip, a vegas wedding, giving away most of our possessions, moving from a comfy apartment to living in a car (by choice), seeing my Dad after 8 years, and going Raw and Organic in addition to being Vegan. Also, it is when I finally researched and accepted being a high-functioning Autistic person, also known as an Aspie, short for Asperger's Syndrome. We see it as who we are, not something we "have". Whew! This is what appears to be many life altering changes in a short time. The truth, however, is that these changes were a long time coming. My tree may take a while to bear fruit, but when it does, WOW!
I can see the HBC (homeless by choice) life came to me after years and years of planning on that eventuality and fantasizing about it as a child. How many children do you know that think being homeless would be fun and adventurous? I did, and still do :) You spend a third of your life asleep. No choice in that. So what do you do with the other 16 hours a day, the other 2/3 of your life? Most will spend a third (or more) working. And not meaningful, enlightening, purposeful work either. Mindless physical labor and robotic repetitive actions is where the vast majority find themselves. Some of who's left find a better version of the slave labor game. They attain jobs that "seem" to matter, "seem" to be important, but any true unbiased reflection will show the hollowness of these endeavors. Jobs like engineers, management, investing, business owners and the like, all have enough "street cred" in this earthly prison system, that although they remain trapped and shackled like all the other prisoners, they hold a "trustee" status, where prisoners are made to look after the other prisoners and are given "perks".
So, that leaves 1/3 of your life left. From what I have observed, that third is spent either trying to recover from your daily slave labor, or "taking care of" your little future prisoners, your children. Video games, television, music, sports, chemicals, and sex are all ways we attempt to detach ourselves from the inner pain of being a slave. Similar things are used in real prison. I spent 3 years there, so I can see the similarities plain as day. As for children, they become a huge part of the parents life, and rightly so. However, most parents make a HUGE mistake; they feel the way they were raised is the "right" way. Even in this modern world, where so many different ways of doing things are considered "right", people still refuse to question their beliefs and assumptions, and then pass that faulty thinking on to their children! How else could atrocities of the past, like Slavery, denying women the right to own property or vote, etc, be carried on for hundreds or thousands of years? And are we truly so arrogant that we think all the "horrible" things of the past have been dealt with? What of war? What of treating our animal brothers and sisters like products instead of living beings? What of greed corrupting the minds of those in power to the point to where we are being fed poison in our food because it takes 20 years to kill instead of 2? What of using imaginary lines on a map to distinguish who is valid from who is invalid? What of us choosing to hurt others so that we may profit? The atrocities are not over. Many know this, but many do not. Many think we are at the pinnacle of human evolution and knowledge, and we are more enlightened now than ever. I disagree. We have just gotten much better at denial and the "appearance" of civility.
We, as humans, know something is wrong. It's in all our forms of expression. In music, in art, in literature, in religion. We know something is off, and that "knowing" can slowly drive us insane. "Like a splinter in your mind" as Morpheus says. So I choose to do something about it. I choose to "unplug". But I feel it's not really a choice at all. Like Neo, I can never go back. I would not want to, knowing what I know now. I have devoted the 2/3 of my life I spend awake, to being "awake". To see the world mindfully, to question, and as strength permits, to do the right thing. My shackles are off. Are yours?
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