Reflections on the more "unpleasant" side of Salvia

The concepts of "Heaven" and "Hell" seem infantile and comparable to The Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, when held along side the infinite horrors revealed as possibilities when tripping on Salvia.  Burning for eternity in hell seems preferable to the thought of plummeting through the black hole of infinite space time, at the same time being no one and nothing but feeling extreme fear, unease, your soul unraveling, mind being pulled apart like taffy, your consciousness dissolving....having it torn apart and put back together again, not knowing who or what you are...it is a reality I have felt, and tremble even now thinking of it.  Hell-fire may or may not exist, but I now know it is possible to become lost in space-time, with no true bearing on "reality", whatever that really is.  Horrifying.

Smoked plain Salvia leaves, no extract. Written while coming down.

(First hit) It's temporary and it'll be over soon (life, and the uncomfortable unpleasantness of it)....I was at a sports game as a child...like soccer or something....but it wasn't real...it's the dream world....and i felt like I wanted  to get up and go but I was stuck to that world...like a piece of tape or a sticker...two dimensional... there were people there...it felt like they were my mother and the coach...getting impatient...but not anyone I knew from "my real" past....I felt reality roll away, and those people were part of the "sheet" of reality being swept away..I realized that if I tried to describe any of this to people in this fake reality, they would not be able to comprehend it, them being only "2-D".  How do you describe reality to someone who's never experienced it?


(Second hit) It was as if I was a little boy....under the couch....and I had fallen

asleep....and that the "real world" was all just a dream...that the world

we're I'm a little boy asleep under a couch, in the 1980's is the real

world....I feel like I am anticipating my mother or grandmother reaching

under the couch, and gently pulling me out from under it.  Aparently I had

been playing "hide and seek" and fell asleep, only to dream this world of

2011.  I cannot tell which, if either, world is real.  For, while it

appears to me now that THIS world is real, the world of 1980's under the

couch seemed just as real then.  The surety of the "realness" was

astounding.

(3rd hit) I can;t focus on the real world. The world I was at.... I could only focus

on one part, just a pillar.  The pillar was all I could see and pay

attention to.  It felt like I was missing a much greater whole by just

focusing on a fancy part, a part that really had no meaning...and I

remember thinking..."damn I can't stop looking at this stupid pole...I'm

missing the real thing.

(4th hit) I remember them....boy they don't want me to, but I do.... as I was being

rolled into the whole "little boy under a couch" reality, it peeled away

and the transition was supposed to be as a feminine family member pulling me out from under the couch as I wakened to the half-asleep state where you

can kind-of remember your dreams, but then it paused because I caught

them.  I caught the beings that have to roll your realities.  They, when

approached, give off a feeling of familiarity, and peacefulness.  Like a

loving, close family member...but they screwed up.  I didn't HAVE any

loving family members...so it seemed a little off from the start.  That's

when they knew they had been caught,  There was a feeling of "What now?"

coming from them, then dissapointment.  I felt bad for them and told them

"It's okay, you can...ummm....you can try to impersonate my Dad!" (I was

trying to give them an image to give me to fit the disguise they

apparently needed to interact with me.  My father was the only positive

influence from my childhood.

Chewed Salvia

I did some research online and found that chewed Salvia is also a viable way of ingesting the Salvinorin A psychedelic compound.  I decided to try it, as I had only "smoked" salvia before.  They say chewing it is milder, but lasts longer.  Here is the result (I chewed a bunch of leaves, 8 grams dried worth, at 4 in the morning, sitting in the dark, on the couch, just the light of my laptop shining back at me);


I remember the first two twips now.... being stuck in the 80's...I was seeingly laying down in the driveway/carpet of a 1980's house, and the "abc" logo, how it used to roll sideways and be all "trippy" as it "rollled" by after a cartoon, like in He-Man during the credits...it felt like all of reality was peeling away like that....that I was apart of that past, not that I was IN that past, that my family was "over there", that they all knew me, that my life with them was normal and typical, and they wanted me to quit "playing around" and come on.  Come on doing what?  I don't know. It feels like we were all supposed to go somewhere...or that that i WAS MISSING OUT ON COOKIES.

Oh shit i feel it now.....how do I turn the italics off?  I remember from that past trip....chips ahoy cookies...hot wheels race track....bowling....that this life is all a dream and I just need to wAKE UP, AS A CHILD. I'm a child, a kid, somewhere else....help me....someone must know.,justin find them find who knows...find the truth...find the truth,,,they know someone must know keep searching you are on the right path keep looking don't stop this isn't just drugs

being rolled AWAY LIKE BOWLING
I remember thinking "Hmmm okay....this is not real.  Soon, mom and the guys will lift the cover (Of the couch?  Curtains?  Tablecloth?) and this crazy trip will be over....the scrary part, is that the charcter who's world and body I had jumped in, had seeminly also jumped into this body and time here.  He was just as confused and scared as me?

He was little boy
he IS a little boy'

Written while coming down from a Salvia trip

I know now.  Even in this foggy, cartoon world, some semblance of perception from the REAL world remains.  The substancless of all in this "video game" world is obvious, at least for now.  The "real" me will soon become enveloped in a hazy mirage, a facsimile of a world that I wonder if ever truly existed.  The game is, on one level, complex and amazing in it's "reality". But I now see that the key to "believing" in this reality (the one you have to exist in to read this) is by being drugged.  I don't know how it's done.  But the effects are still the same.  We all exist, in peace and harmony, (as best as can be described with language) in a place of purity.  Purity.  That is the word I would use, but with all the power you can muster behind it.  This world is a lie. To be exact, what we BELIEVE about the world is a lie.  The world itself is neither illusory or real, just a thing doing what it was designed to do.  I used to believe that this "reality" was designed to teach us something during the course of a lifetime.  Now, I'm not so sure.  I don't know about everyone else, but I know that my real home is not here.  I was just there, and it felt great.  In order to get back to where I came from, I did not have to physically go anywhere.  Instead, my consciousness traveled back in time to before I was born.  To the place where you are, before being brought into this world.  It is beautiful and pure.  There is love, and companionship, you are never alone, and yet you are never "observed".  You just are, as is everyone else.  Then, as best as my brain could decipher what was going on, it appeared that I was being pulled up into the sky, and for a while, during that process, I could see into this world, by opening my eyes...closing them -back there-, open them and -back here-.  Except, in this state, the world here took on a whole new perspective.  The falsity of this world was obvious.  It's a sham, and for me, a poorly designed one at that.  I know that's critical, and I feel like I may hurt the feelings of whoever designed this character for me, but let's face it.  My characters life, and starting position have all sucked majorly.  Poorly written, boring.  I could see my living room (where I was tripping), as though it were a scene in the panels of a comic book.  And the funny thing, is it appeared to be the "scene" of a comic strip BEFORE the characters have arrived to fill it.  Like how a set would look before the director and actors showed up to work.  It was like I caught a glimpse "back scenes".  Imagine if you watched a soap opera all your life, and you became so obsessed with it, that you felt the characters were real, you began to relate to them, and it became how you viewed your world.  Then, imagine one day a friend of yours, knowing you are a fan, took you to see a taping of the show.  You would see what happens between takes, see the actors act like their REAL selves, etc.... Imagine then, now knowing that the show you love is just a story, meant to entertain you, imagine trying to go back to your normal life, of being obsessed with the soap opera.  You would not be able to. The image of it's reality would have shattered the idealistic image you had.  You could never go back...not unless something drugged you and once again tried to convince you that the soap IS real, that the "behind the scenes" trip was just a drug someone slipped you, it wasn't real..and in your intoxicated state, you fall back into it....
That is what is happening here.  I did NOT want to leave the real world when I was taken back, yet I have no recollection of what was going on a few minutes BEFORE I got snatched up into the clouds to come back here.  The clearest memory I have of the event, was seeing how utterly ridiculous this world is, how I could NOT BELIEVE how anyone would think this shit is real, and then I remembered that when you come here, your brain gets all fucked up and you can't think straight.  Luckily at the time, I was THERE, not HERE and I could see this cartoony backdrop for what it was.  I want a new character!
5/9/2011
Justin?

Bin Laden Dead, to rejoice or not?

When I heard the news, I felt so happy.  I felt a dark cloud lift from America.  I know I am not the only one.  However, upon reading facebook and online news comments, I see there is a minority stating it's not good to rejoice in Osama's death.  Peace-activists and such, which, if you read my blog, you'll know I am.

I believe the greatest crime one can commit, and really the only true crime that exists, is when you exert your will forcefully onto another human.  Whether it's physically, psychologically, emotionally, etc... So, the more people you affect this way, the worse you are as a "person", where person is defined as a human that at the minimum inflicts no harm to other beings.  When one of these people are removed from the world, by whatever means, it is a time of rejoicing for humanity, for it replaces a bit of the balance that was lost, when one person grows too powerful in a negative way.  We all have positive and negative in us, but rarely do we attain such power over others, as to organize our singular will over the sheepish minds of the masses.  I rejoice in the death of Osama. I am not thrilled it was an execution, a trial would have been awesome. However we all know how it would have ended.  Rarely in a single persons lifetime can such a powerful personality captivate the minds of those angered, confused masses for such diabolical deeds.

REJOICE!!!!