I know now. Even in this foggy, cartoon world, some semblance of perception from the REAL world remains. The substancless of all in this "video game" world is obvious, at least for now. The "real" me will soon become enveloped in a hazy mirage, a facsimile of a world that I wonder if ever truly existed. The game is, on one level, complex and amazing in it's "reality". But I now see that the key to "believing" in this reality (the one you have to exist in to read this) is by being drugged. I don't know how it's done. But the effects are still the same. We all exist, in peace and harmony, (as best as can be described with language) in a place of purity. Purity. That is the word I would use, but with all the power you can muster behind it. This world is a lie. To be exact, what we BELIEVE about the world is a lie. The world itself is neither illusory or real, just a thing doing what it was designed to do. I used to believe that this "reality" was designed to teach us something during the course of a lifetime. Now, I'm not so sure. I don't know about everyone else, but I know that my real home is not here. I was just there, and it felt great. In order to get back to where I came from, I did not have to physically go anywhere. Instead, my consciousness traveled back in time to before I was born. To the place where you are, before being brought into this world. It is beautiful and pure. There is love, and companionship, you are never alone, and yet you are never "observed". You just are, as is everyone else. Then, as best as my brain could decipher what was going on, it appeared that I was being pulled up into the sky, and for a while, during that process, I could see into this world, by opening my eyes...closing them -back there-, open them and -back here-. Except, in this state, the world here took on a whole new perspective. The falsity of this world was obvious. It's a sham, and for me, a poorly designed one at that. I know that's critical, and I feel like I may hurt the feelings of whoever designed this character for me, but let's face it. My characters life, and starting position have all sucked majorly. Poorly written, boring. I could see my living room (where I was tripping), as though it were a scene in the panels of a comic book. And the funny thing, is it appeared to be the "scene" of a comic strip BEFORE the characters have arrived to fill it. Like how a set would look before the director and actors showed up to work. It was like I caught a glimpse "back scenes". Imagine if you watched a soap opera all your life, and you became so obsessed with it, that you felt the characters were real, you began to relate to them, and it became how you viewed your world. Then, imagine one day a friend of yours, knowing you are a fan, took you to see a taping of the show. You would see what happens between takes, see the actors act like their REAL selves, etc.... Imagine then, now knowing that the show you love is just a story, meant to entertain you, imagine trying to go back to your normal life, of being obsessed with the soap opera. You would not be able to. The image of it's reality would have shattered the idealistic image you had. You could never go back...not unless something drugged you and once again tried to convince you that the soap IS real, that the "behind the scenes" trip was just a drug someone slipped you, it wasn't real..and in your intoxicated state, you fall back into it....
That is what is happening here. I did NOT want to leave the real world when I was taken back, yet I have no recollection of what was going on a few minutes BEFORE I got snatched up into the clouds to come back here. The clearest memory I have of the event, was seeing how utterly ridiculous this world is, how I could NOT BELIEVE how anyone would think this shit is real, and then I remembered that when you come here, your brain gets all fucked up and you can't think straight. Luckily at the time, I was THERE, not HERE and I could see this cartoony backdrop for what it was. I want a new character!
5/9/2011
Justin?
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